could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
