The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
