PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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