i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
