I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
