I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
