think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
