On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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