I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
