no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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