Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
