girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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