ugly people sure do ruin things
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
