Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
