i wish there were pregnant emoticons
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
