Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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