I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
