Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
