He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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