tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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