Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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