It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
