Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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