I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
