I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
