If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
