I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
