I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
