Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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