I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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