I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
