i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
