Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
