My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
