I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
