wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
