i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
