I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
