Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
