either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
