We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
