Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he thought i was a dude.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
