Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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