Tell her she can't have a vagina
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
