why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
