WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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