he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
