I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Randomize
