Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
