On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
