good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
